


Can't Afford Love

by flowerypath131



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Kinda Fast Paced, M/M, Smut, delinquent haruto, junhwan ex, single father Jinhwan, soft junhoe (ish), spin-off fic from a twt au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:07:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27893563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowerypath131/pseuds/flowerypath131
Summary: Where they broke up due to having too many differences and issues, one of them being Jinhwan not wanting a child. But one year later, he found out he has a 14 year old son who despised everything and everyone.
Relationships: Goo Junhoe/Kim Jinhwan
Comments: 10
Kudos: 34





	1. What now?

**Author's Note:**

> Please be informed that this is a spin-off fic from my TWT au Take Me To Church.

_Jinhwan looked at the three, a happy family. Not perfect, but happy. Unplanned, but happy. Maybe I should stop caring about carefully laid-out plans and live more freely, he thought bittersweetly._

_One week after Hanbin and Jiwon’s engagement in Japan…_

Jinhwan had been already half-awake when he heard soft knocks on his door. It was a Thursday and he had just been appointed as chairman on Monday but it still felt surreal and somehow… empty. There was a huge sense of _‘okay, what now?’_ in his mind. This had been his long-time goal and purpose, but now that he had it, he’d lost the reason why he wanted it and what to do after it. Obviously, to work, but it didn’t feel as fulfilling as he thought.

“Sir, a lady named Ms. Myoui Mei is here to see you. Says it is urgent and of personal matter that she does not wish to disclose to me. Should I let her in?” the maid asked.

 _Myoui?_ The Japanese last name sounded familiar. He gave an affirmative response to the maid and told her to tell his guest he’ll be out in five minutes.

His morning routine was like clockwork to him now. He liked doing everything himself as much as he could because he never liked being a burden, even to helpers whose job was technically to help him. He was never comfortable with that kind of attention, he wasn’t incompetent by any means, and it was one more thing for his mother not to criticize. His father on the otherhand would muse that it was his right to be served upon and that it was a show of power, relevance, and position.

Over the years, he learned to compromise and adjust to whoever it was he was with. Jinhwan was the standard rich heir you’d see on academies, private country clubs, and brunches, which meant he used to rub elbows with children who was exactly the same as he was, boasting about how rich their families were and showcasing what they had for this and that, what their fathers bought, and what their mothers planned for vacations—all of this while each one of them sported a bruise or two on the arms cause by a grip too tight by their displeased fathers or disappointed mothers, and maybe two or three mental health issues growing up.

Alas, everything in life had a catch, and growing up bordering on having post-traumatic stress disorder was a rich kid’s catch in exchange for a life of luxury, privilege, and money while their heads are screwed to keep it in place, which is to be held up at all costs.

“I’m sorry it took a while. I’m afraid I just woke up. Ms. Myoui was it?” Jinhwan asked as soon as he saw a woman sitting on one of the couches in his living room.

The woman, _Ms. Myoui,_ stood up to face him, “Mr. Kim Jinhwan.”

He couldn’t quite place where he’d seen familiar facial features and soft tilting voice was from but he guessed he was about to. “And who is this?” he asked and pointed to the teenage boy who remained seated, his face stoic and cold.

“This is Myoui Haruto,” she introduced, nudging the said boy’s shoulder awkwardly who responded with a nod to him. Ms. Myoui looked at him again and said the words he had never even thought he’d hear in this lifetime or the next, _“He’s your son.”_

Ears ringing in disbelief, he involuntarily raised both his eyebrows, “Excuse me?”

“I am Myoui Mina’s sister,” she clarified in the hopes he’d understand where she was going with her statement.

 _Myoui Mina._ The name whirled around his head for a good minute before he remembered. “Mina? KJH’s trainee fourteen years ago?”

“Yes. Is it possible for you and I to talk in private? There are some things I need to discuss with you that I don’t want my nephew to hear,” she asked of him.

Jinhwan was clearly still in a state of shock and confusion so he just nodded. His eyes fell back to the boy to examine his face closely and a shiver ran down his spine. _That’s impossible._

“Haruto, stay here for a moment, okay? Behave.” Myoui Mei said to her nephew, the last word being stressed with a squint of her eyes in warning. The boy merely shrugged and took out his phone to probably play with it making the elder woman sigh.

They made their way in his office after Jinhwan notified the maid to bring in some tea and to call his secretary that he’ll be late for an hour at most which made Mei apologise. “It’s alright,” he just replied meekly.

“I am going to be upfront with you,” Mei said as soon as they sat on their respective chair—her in front of his desk, and Jinhwan in his swivel chair. “Mina is dead.”

_Oh, shit._

“Excess fatigue. Cardiac arrest,” she explained briefly, her eyes avoiding Jinhwan’s but he could see that they were prickling with tears so he handed her with Kleenex. “The reason why Mina quit training was because our father died and we were financially struggling. But then, she found out she was pregnant. Apparently, you sneaked out some of the trainees from their dorms and had some fun. But it turned out, you two had too much fun when all of you got too drunk—that was the day we found out our father died so she said she drank to her heart’s content.”

“I am so sorry for your loss and for the part I played in… this. But... why? Why didn’t she tell me? She died due to exhaustion, I wouldn’t have been irresponsible. I would’ve at least helped her financially. We were, at some point, friends.”

Mei smiled at him, “She knew that. She spoke well of you. But Mina was clueless and had a manager take her to the hospital when she wasn’t feeling well and when the doctor told them that she was pregnant, she was forced to confess who the father was. The manager reported to your father and negotiated with her. Like you said, you two were friends, so naturally, she didn’t want to jeopardize your future just because hers were. She knew where your preferences lie and that you would’ve been fine not knowing you had a child because you’ve always spoken about not wanting to bring a child on this world only for you and the child to suffer from life. Your father did send her some money for Haruto. But she got married to a brute and always asked for money to gamble. Working three jobs killed her. She died six years ago.”

Jinhwan had both fists against his mouth. Mina was a great person, perhaps a little _too_ good and was known as a pushover so everything her sister said, was a huge possibility.

“We didn’t know all of her hardship until she died. Her will contained a few belongings and letters—for me, her kids, and for you,” she said and handed him a worn-out yet unopened letter, “Haruto was kicked out of his step-father’s home and lived with his grandmother, my mom. But she died a month ago. I’m a widow with three children, I—I tried to raise him myself but I’m afraid I’d die the same way as my sister.”

“I assume you’re here to give Haruto,” he concluded, a little absent-mindedly.

She nodded and looked at him, “He’s not a kid anymore and he’s very independent. He just needs a roof over his head, food in his stomach, and education. There’s no other way to say this but, Haruto is not the nicest boy in the world. He grew up on the wrong side of the tracks, was bullied by his stepfather which in turn made him a bully to others, and had poor education because he always skipped classes. But he never burdened his mom, although he did not show her love as well. He’s a standoffish kid but he knows how to survive.”

“He’s a rebel, isn’t he?” he asked even though he knew.

“If you don’t believe me, you can have a DNA test. But he’s your son, Jinhwan-ssi. Please take care of him. I know you have the means to do it.”

Jinhwan nodded, “It’s not the matter of having the means, it’s the fact that I’m not even sure if I have the skills to raise him right.”

“He’s still a child—he’ll grow, learn, and change.”

“I certainly hope so. I’ll have a doctor carry out a DNA test and a lawyer to prepare the legal matters. In the meantime, is he staying with me?”

“Yes, if that is alright with you. I’ve talked to him about it. I need to go back to Japan, you see.”

“I understand,” he tried to smile in empathy where in fact, he was still confused as fuck.

When Jinhwan said to himself that maybe it was time to stop caring about plans and all that jazz, he didn’t mean for it to be so soon.

_Well, wasn’t that a way to start off the morning._

It looks like he just found the question to his _‘what now?”_

If there was one thing that remained constant in Junhoe’s life, it’d be music. He learned from early on that everything in life was fleeting and temporary—love, money, life, and everything in between. If he lost music, he’d go absolutely crazy, especially since it felt like he had lost everything when he lost Jinhwan because the man was his everything for a long period of time, his world literally revolved around his ex-fiancé.

The separation was necessary, that he fully understood, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. The only thing flourishing after the breakup were his songs. When he and Jinhwan had still been together, he admit that he was lost in a bubble of _love,_ and had turned a blind eye to their underlying issues, because as the cliché goes, _love conquers all._ Well, it doesn’t, not when you have shit communication skills.

So after the break-up, endless supplies of lyrics bombarded him to the point of no sleep. He just wrote, wrote, and wrote. Probably worth half of his lyrics notebook that Hanbin gave him one day they were in a studio. Hanbin had said that if they wrote in notebooks, the songs would feel more raw and personal, therefore emitting more emotions.

“Junhoe, welcome home. Come on, your grandmother is almost finished preparing dinner,” his grandfather beckoned him towards their dining hall.

“I’ll just go change, pops,” he said and left the elder with a kiss on his cheek.

He had just come home from the university he was attending. Being out all day made him want to just shower and sleep but he knew his grandparents would be sad if he didn’t have dinner.

“School okay? Why are you home late today? I mean, much later than your usual,” his grandmother asked when they had settled in their seats.

“I bumped into Hanbin’s cousin. You remember him, right? My friend from uni back in Seoul. Well, his cousin is in New York for work. We had a little catch up and he offered me to drop by the studio he was working at.”

His grandfather looked up excitedly at that, “Really? That’s good, Junhoe. You should make a good impression, they could hire you.”

Junhoe hummed, “Jaewon-hyung said he’ll put in a good word for me. The producers there are either Asians or half-Asians, and they try to herd in new talent for different genres.”

“I know it’s not yet certain, but I want you to know that grandma is proud of you, dear,” his grandma gushed with her warm, finely aged hand caressing his cheeks which he leaned to immediately. “I’m glad you’re here with us.”

“I am, too, grandma.”

“Your mother called earlier today…” his father quietly informed him, acting nonchalant but was evidently cautious. Junhoe had avoided the topic of his parents and of Jinhwan after he had told them everything. They were sad for him, of course, but they admitted that it was even hard for them as parents getting through their own daughter, Junhoe’s mom, and that they had no idea that he had suffered all these years. As for the reason of the engagement breaking off, they understood—infinitely more than his parents did, they were downright furious and disappointed. _Well, what’s new about that anyway?_

His grandparents lived simply, which was why Junhoe was always comfortable with them. His grandfather was a veteran soldier while his grandmother was a retired psychologist, both of them thankful just to grow old together with stable retirement plans. Their love-life and marriage was Junhoe’s wildest dream because he knew how hard it is to stay both married and in love even after so many years.

“Oh? What’d she say?” he asked out of politeness than curiosity.

“Says she misses you and wants you back home. It’s been a year, and it’s almost Christmas,” his grandfather asked, his voice laced with sadness but tried to cover it up with encouragement.

Junhoe smiled, “I’d rather spend the holidays with you, here in New York. Besides, I have my thesis.”

“Oh, about that. Your mom said,” his grandmother tried to say and then cleared her throat before talking again, “she said that you don’t have to finish school anymore and that you can work for the company even if you don’t finish college.”

He couldn’t hold back the snort that went out of him, “I am not throwing my education to be a slave in their company. I’d rather work as a waiter all my life than be their pawn.”

“And you know we’re here to support you, right?” his grandfather asked, his hand letting go of his chopsticks in favour of holding his hand

“I know. And I’m so lucky to have you guys.”

When he had come to New York without notice and told them _everything,_ they had suggested for him to seek out professional help, just in case. But Junhoe, wasn’t ready to face his demons yet. Maybe some other day. _As long as I have my grandparents. I’ll be fine._

“Jiwon!” he shouted rather unprofessionally, especially now that he was the chairman, as he stormed into his bestfriend’s office.

He shouted once more at the horror of seeing Jiwon and Hanbin making out in the middle of the former’s office.

“Ew? And, I don’t think that’s allowed?” Jinhwan groaned while the two begrudgingly stopped what they were doing in favour of sitting down on the couch.

“It’s technically still lunch so I’m allowed to kiss my fiancé while still being responsible and professional. So, do tell, what the fuck are you doing here disturbing my peace when you should be drowning in work because apparently, you skipped work the whole morning.”

“That’s… suspicious,” Hanbin commented, lying down on the couch with his head on Jiwon’s lap, playing on his phone. _Great. Just the sight he wanted to see after being stressed out the entire morning._ “You never skip work, hyung. The last time you did was when Jun—,” he wasn’t able to continue what he was about to say when Jiwon covered his hand and muttered a silent apology.

 _Right._ The last time he had skipped work was when Junhoe got injured from a car accident with Chanwoo. They had a big fight then and he was trying to make it up to his boyfriend. It felt like eons ago.

He snapped out of his trance at the sound of Jiwon’s voice calling him over and over again, “What?”

Jiwon shook his head, “Why were you absent this morning?”

The reminder of the root cause of his stress brought him back to his usual facial expression, which was frowning, “I have a son.”

“And I grew boobs this morning,” Hanbin scoffed which made Jinhwan roll his eyes.

“Guys, I’m serious!” he groaned in frustration.

That made Hanbin sit up and face him with a shit-eating grin, “Wait, really?! Ho—holy shit,” the younger man said with an airy laugh.

“Wait, wait, wait. Explain before you fight, please,” Jiwon said as soon as Jinhwan was about to stand up to probably strangle Hanbin.

“Fourteen years ago. Trainee Myoui Mina. That night I tried to convince you to sneak out with me but you refused so I asked the others and we hung out in a hotel I rented for the night. I don’t exactly remember it but,” he sighed, “I think it was me. Especially the kid’s aura, his _annoying_ frown, the stubborn lips when he closes it in a straight, firm line when he gets particularly mad,” he ranted and then outright screamed which made Jiwon’s secretary knock and ask if they were alright.

Hanbin was clearly having fun at his current situation, “Hyung, you were clearly destined to be a Dad. Like me,” he said as he stuck his tongue out to further tease him.

“Fuck you, you wanted to kidnap Junghwan as soon as you saw him. Not exactly parent-like.”

“Wait, so you’ve had a kid for fourteen years and you just found out? Well, where is he now?” Jiwon asked, the only serious and calm one out of the three.

“Yes. And he’s at my place. He’s staying at the guest room.”

“Guest room? But don’t you stay at the guest room because…”

Jinhwan shook his head, “I can’t let him sleep in the master’s. And it’s fine.”

“Well, if you need help, you can always call us. Although, I doubt we’d be of much help since there’s a huge difference when your child is still pretty much a toddler or when they’re already a teenager. Every teenager is fucked up one way or another. I know I was,” Hanbin said which made him groan.

“Haruto? The maid said you haven’t eaten all day. What’s the problem?” he said after he knocked but the kid didn’t answer so he asked instead, “Can I come in?”

“It’s your house,” Haruto merely answered. His Korean was only a little bit awkward, Mei said that Mina taught him as he grew up.

Jinhwan sighed before opening the door. It seemed like Haruto hasn’t moved ever since he left him in this room this morning, he was still in the bed and on his phone. “Why didn’t you eat?”

“I don’t like your food.”

“Want me to order you some Japanese food?”

“Don’t spend your money on me yet, you’re not even sure if I’m your kid.”

“Regardless. It’s called human decency, I can’t let you starve.”

“I’m not your responsibility.”

“You’re literally my son.”

“Not yet proven.”

“You’re in my house.”

“So is your maid but you don’t force her to eat.”

“You’re going to live by my rules.”

“I don’t even follow simple government laws, do you think I’d follow yours?”

If he didn’t rein in his temper, Haruto would win, so he just internally groaned, “What do you want, Haruto?”

“Peace. And privacy. It doesn’t cost you anything. Can I have that at least?”

“You know what? Fine. If you die of starvation, don’t blame me.”

“I’d be literally dead but okay.”

 _Where the fuck did his tongue come from?_ He asked himself but was also answered by his own head, _you._

He took out his phone and texted Jiwon: _If this kid took after my attitude, we’ll definitely kill each other._

“Junhoe, come on, I’ll introduce you to the guys,” Jaewon beamed at him when he came in.

There was approximately five people in the huge studio they were in and he was introduced to each one of them. They were all men, except for one who had just come out of the booth with strawberry blonde bed hair and baggy pants, “Oh, and that’s Chaeyoung. Or you might know her as Rose.”

Of course he did. She was a known singer, songwriter, and model in Korea. But he didn’t know that she was based in New York as of the moment. He smiled and bowed, “Koo Junhoe. Nice to meet you.”

Chaeyoung awkwardly bowed, too, and then ran off to hide in booth again.

“She’s… shy when she’s in the studio. Probably because she’s still kind of insecure about her songs, but she’s nice. Don’t be shocked when you see her asleep in the booth, she says it gets her in the mood and this is mainly her studio. We’re just finishing some of her tracks.”

Junhoe hummed in response and caught a glimpse of the bed-haired girl who took a little peak on the glass. When she saw that Junhoe looker her way, like deer in headlights, she scrambled away from the glass and seemed to have bumped on the wall based on the dull thud. _Cute._

“Habbie, Un… Uncle Nani?” Junghwan asked when Hanbin and Jiwon were talking about Jinhwan’s current situation.

“Yes, baby,” he answered and picked him up when the kid tried and failed to climb up to his legs, and settled him on his lap, showering him loud smooches.

“Junghwan miss Nani,” said the child with a pout protruding on his lips.

Jiwon sat beside them and ruffled Junghwan’s hair, “Should we visit Uncle Jinhwan tomorrow?”

Junghwan nodded eagerly, “Uncle Nani nice, gives Junghwan pororo yum-yum.”

“Everything about this is so ironic,” Hanbin couldn’t help but comment. “Nani hyung doesn’t like children and suddenly he has one, and he’s easily one of Junghwan’s favourite uncles.”

“Yeah, well, either way, he has to shape up. This is different than being an uncle because Haruto is gonna be his full responsibility if the kid really is his. Not to mention, protect him from the media and his parents. His dad won’t care but his mom would grill that child.”

Hanbin frowned, “Kids really could either bridge people or reasons for cutting off some people.”

“Your child should be your first priority, everyone else comes second. If it’s for the best, then there shouldn’t be any more hesitation.”

“Won-won sad?” Junghwan asked when he looked up from his toy only to see Jiwon frowning while talking.

Jiwon immediately smiled and shook his head, “No, baby. Won-won is not sad because Junghwan is here.”

“Kiss?” Junghwan offered with an adorable tilt of his head. Hanbin placed Junghwan on Jiwon’s lap so the child could kiss him, “Won-won happy!”

“How about Habbie?” Hanbin pouted so Junghwan kissed him on the lips so he’d smile.

“Habbie happy! Won-won happy! Junghwan happy!”


	2. 7 Months Later

_Seven months later…_

“Mr. Kim Jinhwan,” the school’s principal greeted when he arrived at the hospital, prompting the elder to stand up from his swivel chair to shake his hand.

“Mr. Cho,” he greeted as well, stoic and professional trying to hide his growing frustration.

The boy seated on the chair in front of the principal’s desk didn’t even bother to look up, unfazed by his father’s presence. But Jinhwan wasn’t having any of his bullshit and instantly made his way to his son and tilted Haruto’s face with a firm hand, not quite rough but definitely far from affectionate.

Two bruises, one on his cheek and another along the sharp jaw, bottom lip busted, and his nose bleeding—probably even broken.

Mr. Cho cleared his throat when the tension was thick with the father and son, “My apologies, Mr. Kim. He refused treatment from the nurse, or anyone for that matter.”

“He’s wary of people touching him,” Jinhwan responded, assuring the principal that he wasn’t about to be faulted for his son’s appearance at the moment, and sat on the chair beside Haruto. “What happened this time?”

“Well,” Mr. Cho started, going through the report given by the teachers who witnessed everything, “Haruto here attacked their class representative and when the teacher arrived to break them up, he insulted the teacher and continued to fight with his classmate. When said classmate’s friends tried to separate them and defend their class representative, he also fought with them.”

Jinhwan sighed, his frustration turning to exhaustion, already fed up with his son’s stacking list of offences ever since the school year started a month ago. “I trust your judgement here, Mr. Cho. I can only plead that his punishment wouldn’t be too severe.”

“The three students’ parents demands for Haruto’s expulsion. This is a very serious case, sir. I’m afraid there’s only so much I can do for your son. His behaviour is… well, I’d suggest you get professional help.”

Haruto scoffed off-handedly, “Are you suggesting I’m crazy, _sir?”_ the boy asked, a dirty smirk splayed across his blooded face.

“N-No, but—,”

“Oh!” Haruto exclaims sarcastically, “Right. God forbid the principal of the school my grandfather actively invests in would call his grandchild demented. And of course, how would the parents react once they caught wind of this issue—the country’s most top notch school accepting a student whose family may have bribed was probably mentally unstable which in turn endangered the students’ safety? Oh my, what a scandal indeed,” the student laughed maniacally low.

_Gods, did I really deserve this? Fuck, I’m so tired._

Jinhwan wasn’t really shocked at his son’s twisted words. It seemed that the boy inherited his intelligence—dark humor included. He just didn’t think Haruto would be twice as despicable as him.

Mr. Cho was trying to hide his panic, fear, and confusion with a professional façade Jinhwan always recognizes but sees through. He actually feels sorry for the man.

“Suspension. Community service. Anything. Just not expulsion, please. I’ll have my assistant schedule a meeting with the students’ parents and negotiate until we reach a common ground. Rest assured that my son will be disciplined at home as well.”

“I don’t know anymore,” Jinhwan groaned when he reached Jiwon’s house that night.

They were in the rapper’s study, each with a brandy in hand to hopefully get rid of the day’s exhaustion from work. Jinhwan had gulped two glasses of it after just a few minutes of being in the room. He had brought Haruto with him after the kid cleaned his own wounds. Thankfully, he likes Junghwan and stayed in the younger’s room to entertain the kid.

It seemed that Junghwan was the only person he liked in South Korea.

“Oh, wow,” Jiwon whistled after hearing Jinhwan’s story of what happened in Haruto’s school. “I—I’m speechless. Wait, let me think about what to say first.”

“I don’t even know if it’s because he’s still trying to get back at me for sending him to a prestigious school, or if he has personal issues, or— _argh,_ I’ve ran out of excuses. I think he just likes seeing me all riled up.”

“I’m not really good at disciplining kids but maybe ground him? Cut off his allowance. Take his phone. Or anything kids own these days. Follow the principal’s advice and get him to talk to a professional? Haruto could have some issues, possibly trauma, which he deals with through aggression.”

Jinhwan sighed, “I can’t ground him when he doesn’t even get out of his room except to eat, and he has no friends to meet or anything like that. He only uses the credit card I gave him if the driver can’t take him to school—which happened only once by the way. He doesn’t even buy snacks in school, or even lunch. The maid said he just takes an apple— _an apple,_ Ji—for lunch. He doesn’t use the phone I gave him and only uses his old one and I can’t really take it because he calls his sister on that phone, I’m mad but I’m not heartless. He doesn’t need any more reason to hate me.”

“How can a kid be so behave and problematic at the same time. What is going on inside your kid’s head?” Jiwon said, not helping at the very least.

“You’re as useless as the g in lasagna. Where’s your fiancé?”

When there was no response, he looked away from his drink and glanced at his best friend who was fidgeting uncomfortably. “About that…”

“What?”

Jiwon shrugged, seeming to have given up thinking about whatever he was hesitating about, “You’ll know either way so I’m just going to say it. He went to the airport this morning with Chanwoo to pick up Junhoe.”

And just like that, Jinhwan didn’t know how to function altogether.

_Junhoe’s back?_

“He’s back,” Jiwon said.

_Did I say that out loud?_

“It… it was just obvious what you were thinking about so, yeah,” Jiwon sighed.

_Junhoe’s back._

“The building’s pretty run down and the architectural structure is too outdated, it’d be a bitch on our backs in the future if we just renovate. We’d save more if we demolish the entire thing and construct our own. Jiwon knows several great architects and contractors so we won’t have any problem on that part. But just in case, do you want to see the location?” Hanbin rambled on as he stubbed his cigarette on the ash tray.

Junhoe hummed, “I trust you with that, your fiancé is literally a real estate owner so he’d know the ropes. I’ll visit the location tomorrow if my body’s up to it.”

“Yeah, sounds good. Jetlag?”

“No, just tired. Where the fuck did Chanwoo go?” he looked around the empty music studio in his apartment and the youngest who was previously sitting on the couch was gone.

“Took a call. Probably Yunhyeong. He was grinning from ear to ear,” Hanbin snickered. “Hey, if you’re not too tired, how about dinner at our place? The house is still under construction on certain parts but we’ve been staying there a month already.”

Junhoe smiled at that, he really was happy for his friend who was settling down in life, “Right, your house. Isn’t it done yet? Your wedding is near. And, sure. I’d love to meet Junghwan, too.”

At the mention of his son, Hanbin unconsciously smiled automatically, “Fair warning, Junghwan still believes you live on the screen. Damned Chanwoo really convinced the kid.”

He shook his head with a chuckle, “I’ll just freshen up and change. Tell Chanwoo to invite Yunhyeong, too. Donghyuk is still in Shanghai, right?”

Jinhwan knocked on Junghwan’s bedroom door but when no one answered, he entered, “Haruto, we should go home before—,”

The sight of his son peacefully sleeping stopped him on his tracks. Haruto was currently back hugging Junghwan who had slept in his arms, while an open children’s story book was still steadily clutched in his hand.

Making sure to close the door silently after he came in, he went to carefully lay Junghwan down properly by Haruto’s side and tucked them both with the fluffy duvet.

His heart skipped a beat when he studied his son’s face as he realized that this was the first time he ever saw Haruto sleeping. He smiled as he carefully reached out to caress his son’s face when fear and paranoia sprung up on his thoughts.

_This is why you’re not fit to be a parent. This is why you shouldn’t have a family of your own. Look at your son, bruised and battered. Neglected by his own father who only has time for business and complaints. You’re just like your father._

“Junghwan-ah,”

He snapped out of his thoughts when Hanbin’s affectionate voice filled the room.

“Oh, Jinhwan-hyung,” Hanbin said softly, surprised but kept his voice low seeing that the kids were asleep. “Are you crying?”

Stiffening, he immediately looked away and swiftly wiped his face before he turned around, “No, something just caught my eye. I came here to tell Haruto we’re going home but he seemed to be tired and fell asleep while reading Junghwan…” his eyes bulged as a very familiar large build came inside the room looking like he was looking for someone,”…a story.”

Junhoe’s eyes landed on his and he could see how the younger’s body tensed. He looked just like how Jinhwan remembered him but somehow still different. His shoulders were more pronounced, he had been clearly hitting gym more than he used to, he wore glasses now, there was visible stubble across his jaw bordering on growing out a beard, and his facial features seemed more structured—he looked like one of those marble statues the renaissance artists sculpted except with glasses which made him look approachable despite his towering build.

“Junghwan,” Junhoe was the first one who broke the silence, clearing his throat and looking away to talk to directly talk to Hanbin. “I was looking for Junghwan. But I see that he’s asleep so I’ll go back downstairs.”

“I, um, didn’t know you guys were visiting and I kind of… dinner, anyone?” Hanbin awkwardly said.

He finally snapped out of it and cleared his throat, “Okay.”

“Jiwon!”

His back immediately snapped up in attention at the voice of his very upset fiancé. _I didn’t do anything… right?_

“Yes, my love?” he answered attentively as he lowered the heat on the stove and placed the spatula at the side.

Hanbin pinched at his side making him squirm like a ten year old being reprimanded. “Don’t _my love_ me! Why didn’t you tell me Jinhwan and Haruto were visiting today?”

He tilted his head to the side, “Um, because I never do? They come here whenever so… I don’t… uh, see anything wrong with… am I in trouble?”

“I came home with Junhoe!” Hanbin hissed under his breath, cautious of their awkward guests hovering on their dining room.

“Oh,” Jiwon said, dumb-founded.

“Yeah oh,” Hanbin retorted sarcastically, “Junhoe wanted to meet Junghwan so we went to his room and lo and behold, Haruto’s sleeping and Jinhwan-hyung was tucking them in—oh Gods, he was crying, too.”

“What? Why was he crying?”

“I don’t know, Kim Jiwon. I don’t know a lot of things at this moment. And they’re outside right now, _ugh_ , and they’re so awkward—,”

“So tell them to go home?”

Hanbin outright smacked him at that, “I don’t know why I’m marrying you,” his fiancé groaned and was about to reach out for the nearest sharp object to smack him with it but he quickly went to hug him, making sure to lock his arms under his in a tight embrace.

“Calm down, baby,” Jiwon chuckled which received an attempted head butt that he thankfully dodged. “Didn’t they break up amicably? Being awkward is to be expected but they’ll be fine. Sooner or later, they’re bound to meet again and now is a great time as any with us being there with them. Do you get my point?”

A beat of silence and then a sigh, “Okay, you’re right,” Hanbin yielded but hit him in the arm, “But I’m still mad at you for not telling me.”

He chuckled and removed his arms around Hanbin in favor of clutching the latter’s cheeks and inching his face closer, “You’re mad at me?” he raised an eyebrow which made Hanbin unconsciously squirm under his gaze, “Really? You’re mad at me?”

“You’re insufferable!” Hanbin whined and ducked out of his hold to go around the kitchen island, sticking a tongue at him childishly.

“Yet you’re marrying me.”

“Unfortunately, I love you.” Hanbin huffed and walked away sassily making Jiwon shake his head in amusement.

“I love you, too!” he shouted back.

As expected, dinner was painfully awkward. Hanbin and Jiwon had to fill in the silence with question for the two but they never interacted and it was more of reacting politely if need be.

 _I really should’ve declined dinner._ But then he thought back to seeing Haruto asleep and he didn’t have the heart to wake him up just yet.

Speaking of, the adults halted their conversation when Junghwan’s sniffles and whines of _Habbie_ were heard. Haruto was carrying the clingy and currently grumpy four year old when they entered the dining area.

“Junghwan-ah,” Hanbin cooed as he stood up from his chair and took Junghwan from Haruto’s arms after thanking the boy, “Why are you making your Haruto hyung carry you, hm? Didn’t you say you were a big boy already?”

Haruto excused himself to run off to the bathroom before joining them for dinner.

When Haruto was out of earshot, a shiver ran down Jinhwan’s spine when Junhoe asked, “I didn’t know you guys adopted again?”

The room was dead silent after that. Hanbin and Jiwon didn’t know how to properly answer that and Jinhwan forgot how to talk altogether because; one, he hasn’t spoken a word directly to Junhoe so imagine the struggle and two, how does one even say to their ex whom they broke up with because they didn’t want a child while the other did but suddenly they actually had one whom he didn’t know existed until seven months ago?

“Won-won, what’s ad… adamted?” Junghwan suddenly asked, looking up at his Won-won.

Jiwon looked at Jinhwan and then Hanbin before looking at his son who was in his Habbie’s lap, “Sweetie, it’s adopted. Remember when I said Junghwan had different Dada, Appa, or Eomma but they couldn’t take care of you so Habbie and I took you home? It’s like that, baby.”

“So… taking care of babies? And loving them?”

“Yes, baby,” Hanbin said and kissed the top of his head. Jinhwan could see how Junhoe’s eyes softened at the small gesture and he didn’t know what to feel about that.

“Is Ruto-hyung a-ad…”

“Adopted?” Jiwon finished for their kid.

Junghwan nodded, “It’s long, Won-won. Hard,” he said and giggled, the adult cooing at him.

“No, baby, Haruto isn’t adopted.” Hanbin smiled at the child before looking up to look at Jinhwan.

Jinhwan’s breath hitched when he felt everyone’s eyes on him—including Haruto who had just come in. A few minutes ago, Junhoe was avoiding eye contact (not like he didn’t as well), but at that moment, the younger didn’t even try to hide his staring when everyone was looking at him.

“Haruto’s my son,” he said simply, meeting Junhoe’s eyes for the first time.

“He has a son?” Junhoe asked to no one in particular.

He and Hanbin were in Junghwan’s bedroom while Jiwon saw Haruto and Jinhwan out with him holding the kid still while the young father wiped Junghwan’s body with any remaining water from bath. Junghwan still couldn’t believe how his Uncle Junhoe managed to come out from the screen and kept poking certain areas on his face.

Hanbin sighed and tried to focus on patting Junghwan dry, “Yes.”

“Biological? Wait, no, don’t answer that. He wouldn’t adopt anyway.”

Besides, the kid had similar features and mannerisms as his ex. During dinner, he couldn’t stop himself from looking at Haruto and the kid seemed to be oblivious or maybe he just couldn’t care less since the latter focused on his meal rather than paying attention to the adults. There were bruises and bandages on his face which Hanbin questioned and that was how he came to know of Haruto’s aggressive tendencies.

There was zero remorse from the kid; didn’t even flinch, glance, or talk to them while they talked about what happened in his school earlier that day.

“Yep, biological. No one is as stubborn as Jinhwan-hyung and his son is twice as much.”

“They look… distant.”

Hanbin frowned when he finished lathering Junghwan’s body with lotion, “That’s because they are.”

“Habbie, Haruto-hyung no sleep over?” Junghwan asked with a pout.

“No, baby. His papa needs to talk to him.”

“Is he going to scold the kid?” Junhoe couldn’t stop himself from asking.

Seeing Haruto’s state today brought back a lot of memories for him, memories he chose to bury for a long period of time. He was worried.

 _About Haruto._ He was worried about Haruto.

“I think Jinhwan-hyung gave up on scolding a few months ago. Nonetheless, they still argue most of the time. They can’t even hold a conversation for more than two minutes without ending up shouting or at the very least popping each other’s buttons.”

“The kid doesn’t like him?”

Hanbin pursed his lips and gestured for him to wait. “Junghwan-ah, you’re not sleepy yet, right?” the kid nodded, “Okay, you can play for a few more minutes while Uncle Junhoe and I talk. Do you want Habbie to read you bedtime stories today or Won-won?”

“Habbie was gone today so I want Habbie,” Junghwan grinned.

“Okay, baby. I’ll come back later. Behave, okay? Don’t throw your toys around or else they will break.”

“Yes, Habbie.”

Junhoe looked at the two smiled bittersweetly. He was relieved how his hyung seemed to really fit the parent role so well, the kid was happy and safe which made Hanbin and Jiwon happy as well. They all deserved each other—a happy family. On the other hand, he felt somewhat bitter, which he feels guilty about, because certain thoughts filled his head.

_Will I ever experience that?_

_Would I do a good job if I did?_

_If Jinhwan and I hadn’t broken up, we would’ve been married by now and maybe adopted a kid. We would’ve raised a family already. We would’ve had our own house. We would’ve been happy._

He had imagined that a long time ago because even from the beginning he knew Jinhwan was _it_ for him. His imagination did come true but it was them in it, instead it was Hanbin, Jiwon, and Junghwan.

_That should’ve been us._

“Jinhwan-hyung doesn’t _not_ like him but as well know, he never wanted a kid. But still, Haruto’s his biological kid so he has no choice. And Haruto… um, well, he doesn’t like anybody, really. Maybe except for Junghwan,” Hanbin crossed his arms against his chest and sighed, “They don’t get along. Their attitudes clash because they are so alike yet so different. Haruto has all of Jinhwan’s strong points—survivor, calculative, self-reliant, independent. They’re great qualities but they both lack empathy and affection. They can’t and won’t bond. Jiwon and I talked about this before, trying to help figure out their relationship and somehow try to be their bridge but they burned down the bridge that connected them a long time ago. Hyung gave up on finding a connection and Haruto couldn’t care less. They just co-exist.”

Junhoe’s thoughts flashed back to Paris, their last conversation.

_“Okay, make me understand. Why do you not want kids? Is it babies in particular? We could adopt a kid aged ten or something. I’ll be there, there’ll be people helping and guiding us to be fit parents. We have the means for it,” Junhoe tried to appeal._

_Common ground. They need to reach a common ground. Just one and maybe that would be enough to hold on and try to work through everything else._

_“It’s not about the means, Junhoe. Think about it. I’ll be appointed as C.E.O of the company, I won’t have time for a kid. And you, even if you don’t work in your family’s company, you’ll still pursue music. Who will take care of the kid? And that’s just the beginning. I don’t want kids, Junhoe. Can’t that be an enough reason?”_

_“But why? It’s all I ask. We could just adopt one. We can manage, I know we will.”_

_Jinhwan looked away from his pleading eyes, seeing how close Junhoe was to giving up was hard. “They’ll be a hindrance. An unnecessary problem. They’re gonna take up most of our time and soon enough, we’ll fall out of love. They always do. I don’t want to pretend to love someone. Kids means responsibilities and I don’t want an added responsibility. And I want a husband who can understand that.”_

_At that time, they had gone through all of their issues, reserving the adoption for their last night. They had stretched this long enough even when they both knew that the separation was inevitable. There was no common ground to begin with, Junhoe realized. There was no use to needlessly hurting each other by staying together._

_With a heavy heart and shaking fingers, he took off the engagement ring Jinhwan gave him after Junhoe proposed—the older wanted to get even so he bought one for him as well. It turns out, they never needed it in the first place._

_He placed the ring on the night stand and sighed through the tears streaming down his face, “We really can’t always get everything we want, huh?”_

Junhoe snapped out of it when Hanbin snapped his fingers at him. “Sorry, what?”

“Your phone’s ringing.”

The persistent vibrating and his obnoxious ringtone finally registered in his brain so he immediately fished the device out of his pocket, a very familiar name flashing on the screen calming him down. With a faint smile on his lips, he answered, “Chaeyoung-ah.”

The name made Hanbin raise an eyebrow which Junhoe just shook his head and waved his hand as if to say _‘some other time’._

“Junhoe, guess what? My manager told me that someone was interested in a collab with me. And it’s there! In Korea!” she squealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter poses more questions than answers but I can't really squeeze everything in just a few chapters without rushing it so bear with me hehe you can still ask me questions but if it'll be answered in the future chapters, then I won't spill yet.

**Author's Note:**

> you can follow me on twitter to be more informed: @flowerypath_131  
> I also have a CC account, so you can message me your reaction, opinion, comments, and/or any messages you'd like to say but is too shy to say it here hehe 😅


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